I am rather bad at updating this, aren't I?  Sorry about that, not that you'd care that much. =P  So, what has happened since last time?  Good things. =D  I'll go with the bad first though. 
Kuffy

wow, it has been a month since I last posted on here.  Um...balls.  I could line up plenty of excuses and stuff, but generally I'll just say I haven't had much to write about or desire to write an entry until now.  Anyway, lets see what has gone on shall we?

Well I am quickly approaching my final year as a 1st year at uni.  Over the next month I have three exams, one history (essay based - eep!!) and the remaining two archaeology ones a week after - but once more they are multiple choice.  I am only worried about the history exam, but I think I'll do well enough to get a pass.  I have also chosen my modules, one I am rather excited about.  The reason being that there are about a block of four or five lectures that have to do with either the Vikings or Germanic people.  I am looking forward to that. =D  Then, about two weeks after the exams there will be much movement to the new home in Sheffield, out of the uni accommodation.  About that I am a bit apprehensive but also rather excited.  I will be living with friends, and looking after myself more - hopefully.  It sounds like it'll be fun, or we hope it to be fun.  I admit, a couple of my house mates have the potential to annoy me like something rotten, but hopefully I will have some method of getting away from it all when its too much.  Also, it's expected that we'll have a PS and maybe another console available for us.  Then add in Owen's and my own DVD collection, well... lots to do. =D 

    There has also been a large number of photos taken of us all at various points recently.  Great fun!  If you have access to facebook (Adam Doore) then you'd be able to see me there.  Last night was a flat mate's 21st birthday and the theme was purple.  First to Wokmaina, then to ours for Dr Who and finally to Corp for fun.  I didn't sleep until about 9amish this morning.  =/  Second time in one week.  For on Wednesday I had a Star Wars marathon.  One night, all six films (starting with Ep I and ending in VI) we started not long after 7pm Wednesday evening and finished about 9am Thursday morning.  Out of the ten of us who were there for the first, I was only one of four people to remain awake for all of them.  Well discounting a few minutes that I had nodded off for here and there.  It was impressive. =D  I also have seen Toastee again in April for Sonata Arctica which was an awesome gig.  I loved that, though we started a game in GW before getting told they'll be closing in like an hour. =S  No matter.  Oh yes!  I'm going to Dylan Moran's new tour in October in Sheffield.  Myself and about seven others will be there.  Sounds really awesome. =D  I have also seen Iron Man, which in my opinion was a great film.  I will admit I was a bit surprised as to how well Robert Downey Jr was in the part of Stark/Iron Man.  He did rather good in my opinion.  And hopefully this week I shall be sat and watching the new Indiana Jones on Thursday. =D  So very much looking forward to that.

Is there anything wrong then?  Of course.  I have money problems, that will be sorted when I manage to get a job somewhere.  There is confusion mixed with elation elsewhere and all that.  However, I am actually feeling pretty good.  I know people often wonder because I might not seem it and that, but I am at least content.  I would, however, like to get rid of this irritating cough I possess and (hopefully for one day only) the rather husky change to my voice.  I want to do better with stuff in uni - essays and work and that.  But that'll be figured out in time.

Kuffy

Sorry about not posting anything, I haven't really had anything to post about.  My life has been mundane and simple recently.  No big deal.  =) 

    Stealing this from a couple of friends..

"The compliment meme

One little compliment can make you feel amazing. So give me a compliment, anything in the entire world.

Step TWO: Put this in your journal. Once you get some comments, tag that entry into your memories. When you are feeling down, just go to that entry and your friends will remind how great you are.

Go on...stroke my ego..."


So, go on, tell me what is so fucking good about me.  You can send in private if shy. =p Gods knows there cannot be that much there...


Kuffy

Hm, well it has been a while since I updated this.  Reasons? Not much has been going on really, so what do I write about?  I write about nonsense anyhow, but it's me nonsense so that is all well and good. I also am aware that I do not comment on other people's blogs that much. Sorry about that, so I shall have no complaints should you plan to remove my boring arse from lists. =)

Anyway, since that weekend there has been quite the gap.  Lets see...

We received our results from the first semester - Euro Civ: 64%, Origins: 71% and Field: 53%.  So, my first scores were: 2:1, 1st, 2:2.  Not terrible, but I would have liked to not have had the 2:2 to be fair.  Just means I need to work a little harder to achieve better gradings, and yes I am aware that I only require a 40% to pass and that the first year counts for nothing.  However, you see I'd rather try that bit harder than resign myself for settling for the average or just above average.  I am not wholly intelligent and so need to work at many things, so for me to get good grades in a way of me seeing that I am able to do this.  That and a little friendly rivalry from friends does help you keep yourself on your toes and pushing forward.  Or at least I find so.  So, yeah, so far I am doing pretty good.  Not very good, nor just good but pretty good.  Kuffeh needs to work a bit harder and improve.  Though my next essay I am hoping I can do well in.  Its about the Vikings. =D  Also, I find that I am loving my history module.  It deals with religion which I just fail to understand - a downfall I feel - but I am enjoying it.  Perhaps because it has been covering my favourite period - the Medieval period.  I like this, as it tends to include within its grasp the Anglo-Saxons and the Vikings.  I have a feeling that my next few years shall be filled with this period. =D

I have sorted my excavation for the summer, it's in the south of Yorkshire.  I believe it's a medieval dig, but not sure entirely as it seems a bit of a multi-period one as well.  I will be going with two other friends.  The rest shall be attending Stonehenge.  I could have stood a chance of going to such an illustrious site, by then why didn't I?  Mainly because pre-history holds no interest for me.  That is why I didn't go to the finds processing required and only care about missing out because my friends are going there.  Oh well.  I might have enjoyed it, but not the site itself, just the people there.

A really fun thing that has now happened I believe three times are small "parties" (or gatherings) of friends in our flat.  They have all be fun, with lots of photos of us all and great laughs.  And non have finished before 4am.  I love that.  I am quite the nocturnal person and can easily be kept up until the early morn for no other reason that I don't feel tired or I am chatting with someone.  Thus, these parties of ours have been great, finishing times have been - 7:45am, 4am and 6am.  hehe, how fun?  Alcohol and food have been involved each time and no one has been upset, in fact they want more!  (The last one finished with about a dozen of us watching "Over the Hedge" at 4am =D )  These are fun, and if things go as they seem to be, then well Saturday will see a mini one after Corp (mini because few people are back yet). 

Of course, easter.  I went home for a week, then came back.  I was alone for two days and you know what?  I loved it.  I might have been mad, as I do talk to myself, but meh.  It was just so nice to no worry about anyone else being here and that.  A bit lonely, yes but I don't mind my own company that much - I keep it a fair bit to be fair.  Home was OK, the kitchen is being redone there but it was basically a bricked hole with nothing to stop the wind coming through.  It was very cold and I missed my bed back here in Sheffield.  I don't like home that much, not the family really but more the feeling that I am out of place and isolation.  It gets me down sometimes.  But Sheffield feels so much more like home, even when its just me here alone.

Um...I have taken to picking up my painting on my minis for a bit.  I enjoy doing it and am quite good, perhaps if I improve I may even attempt to enter a few contests with something.  I dunno, but I do enjoy it and have forgotten about it too much to just do well...nothing really.  I have nearly finished one mini and am rather proud of him. =D  But, yeah.  Done that.

You know what?  I'm going to end this here is its probably not exciting to read or anything.  Anyway, I am alive if you care...um, bye.

Kuffy

Oh what fun was had.  =D  I had some friends (Toastee and Martox) up for the weekend.  The madness began as he stepped off the train. hehe.  It was amazing to see them again, not seen either for an absolute age.  So, after dumping off bags and such, we went for food.  Turned away from the Cavendish because we were "Too casual"  balls.  Still, Devonshire Cat was open, so we went to there for a few drinks.  Such a nice pub, really - ever come to Sheffield I recommend it!  Then it was off to Corp with people.  Gary Numan was playing, so main room was closed - absolutely packed it was in there!!  Anyway, due to us all preferring different type of rock/metal/EBM I figured we'd splinter and meet later.  Nope!!  We spent most the night in the main room rocking to some very good tunes.  Amazing fun it was.  =D  There are also some really horrid photos of us all. haha.  A trip to Aslan's and back to the flat for some Eddie Izzard until we were too tired to keep awake and thus we all went Zzzzzz... 

Sunday was gig night.  A day of shopping and some time in the Devonshire Cat once more, picking up the last of the party, Kim, we ended up in Corp.  The gig was - Alestorm (Scottish Pirate Metal) who ROCKED.  Everyone loved them, and many turned up dressed in pirate outfit to support them. =D  Then, Northerner.  They were OK, but I was a bit meh with them.  Kim left then because she wasn't too good.  Then came on the headliners - Turisas.  OOOO, gods.  Seriously.  Everytime he said Sheffield - and I mean EVERY TIME - the room broke into a "YEEEEEAAAHH!!!"  the fans were great, masses of people who knew the songs and all that.  They did save their two best for last - Rasputin and Battle Metal.  Amazing.  I didn't mosh, because I'm a pussy.  But, I had good fun anyway.  Toastee walked away with a MASSIVE injury to the eyez.  This morning, his eyelid was bruised. XD  Ouch.

So, got rid of those two at the train station, returned home and showered.  Rest of the day has been about normal, I suppose.  Lectures I really did not want to go to, and that.  I did try to do some work today - however, pretty much every book I wanted just was not there (on loan).  Which is fucking annoying.  I'm going to have to reserve them.  I have to do, two essays both in for 12 and 13th.  But there is an ArchSoc social on the 11th, so that day is void.  I will miss Saturday Corp if I must.  I am trying my hardest not to do so though.  It makes my weeks.  But, soon be Easter.  Three weeks of NOTHING.  Yay.  However, I get my exam results back on Thursday, coincidentally when another piece of work of mine must be handed in.  Again with no books available. =S  Oh yes, Sheffield lost University Challenge.  We watched that in Bar1 then, came back to ours for a bit.  It was OK.

I will admit, I have been in one of those nothingness moods today.  I just didn't want to do anything except go to Corp and drink, and maybe dance.  The drinking happened, but none of the rest did mind you.  I dunno why, I was fine until I left for my lectures.  Then I just felt very empty, like I was just a husk being there.  Kate tried to find out why - via unconventional methods, most of them involving hitting me.  =S  Truth was, I don't know why I felt like that.  I just felt utterly void.  I did feel a bit better when I got to Bar1 - and had alcohol.  haha.  I wasn't depressed per se more, as said, empty. =S  It was odd.  It has gone just about by now, which is good.  I am going to get an early night - 2am, so going soon.  Just, things have still been on like two bottles of water on a seesaw.  Both are perfectly balanced, but one slight wave in one can really ruin it.  I have gotten on better with people, and do have some truly amazing friends but at times I feel out of place when giving advice or asked for my opinion on something.  I try to stay true to myself, but at the same time I don't want to say something brutally honest.  Luckily I have be able to be honest, and not have to lie.  I do lie, but big things I do not like to do.  It feels wrong.  Anyway, yeah on certain topics of help I feel rather inadequate in giving advice or commenting.  I don't mind being asked - its in some way a selfish thing as it makes me feel wanted or liked - but I lack the ability/experience to help out in most cases.  Makes me feel all crappy. =/

Anyway, going to leave it there and get a good night sleep.  Oh, actually... I realised how satisfying it feels to send and receive letters by post.  I don't get enough. =(  Oh, and I need a new hard drive.  The current one is full.  I stole a load of music from a friend this weekend. =D  hehe

Later folks!

Kuffy  

Comment on this entry and I will....

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, a word etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, if you want post this in your LJ.

*wipes dust off journal* 

Oh, been a while.  Well, just not been motivated to do anything recently.  Anyway, now I will update.  Hold onto your hats.

That last entry was due to my exams, they're done and dusted for now but it was sheer bitter frustration that my post was drawn from.  Glad they're over, but not looking too forward to my results which I get in about two weeks.  I have myself to blame really, not doing enough revision at the time despite being awake until like 7am many nights during those two weeks.  I will have to try harder now, work much harder at stuff.  But, onto the uni stuff.

My new modules are: Archaeology in the Lab, World Civilisations and Pagans, Christians and Heretics in Medieval Europe.  The first one, so far is not that interesting, but our labs start soon, so hopefully it shall pick up into the realms of interesting.  The World Civ one is interesting but they are trying too cram so much world culture into so few lectures that its a lot of information to hold and I feel we lose a lot of the details in the process.  The pagans one, is rather interesting.  Going from the conversion of Constantine to the crusades and covering much in between (Anglo-Saxons, Vikings etc) it is going to be hard due to the sheer volume of source material we are given but, judging by the lectures thus far it is going to be interesting.  Also, the lecturer is amusing with jokes and that. heh. 

Otherwise, I have not been up to much really.  Been out a bit, Corp on Saturdays as always, a few RockSoc things, music, out with friends or making new ones.  That latter one is the more interesting at the moment, but I am unsure as to where I stand so will not push anything.  Otherwise, been downloading stuff - anime (I have seen all of Naruto.  I actually enjoyed it too!! O_o ), music (Reel Big Fish are good, btw.  I have heard them suggested, and not bad.), or watching shows online - have to say that I am annoyed at people who only do half a series upload. >=(

Also, there was snow here.  Lots of snow in one night.  But I was too lazy to get dressed once more, so never went out in it. =(  No snow since.  I am upset.  But there will hopefully be some more soon, I'd like to play in the snow at like 4am like everyone else did!

I am actually feeling rather upbeat in general, which can be seen as odd for me. haha.  Nah, not sure what it is but overall - whilst I may not seem it - I am happy, or at least content.  Its a nice feeling.  I just have to see if things will improve or where paths lead to and that.  I am also trying to get out more, instead of just once a week - about two or three be nice. 

Not much of an update, I know but nothing much has happened.  So, there. =D

Kuffy

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





That is all.  Thank you.




Kuffy

i wanna get to know the people on my friends list.
so im posted this for you all to fill in to help me get to know you a little better :D

1.) Q. Can you cook?
A.

2.) Q. What was your dream growing up?
A.

3.) Q. What talent do you wish you had?
A.

4.) Q. If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.

5.) Q. Favourite vegetable?
A.

6.) Q. What was the last book you read?
A.

7.) Q. What zodiac sign are you ?
A.

8.) Q. Any tattoos and/or piercings?
A.

9.) Q. Worst habit?
A.

10.) Q. If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A.

11.) Q. What is your favourite sport?
A.

12.) Q. Negative or optimistic attitude?
A.

13.) Q. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.

14.) Q. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.

15.) Q. Tell me one weird fact about you
A.

16.) Q. Do you have any pets?
A.

17.) Q. What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.

18.) Q. What was your first impression of me?
A.

19.) Q. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.

20.) Q. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be???
A.

21.) Q. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.

22.) Q. What colour eyes do you have?
A.

23.) Q. Ever been arrested?
A.

24.) Q. Bottle or Draft?
A.

25.) Q. If you won £10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.

26.) Q. Would you date me?
A.

27.) Q. What 's your favourite place to hang at?
A.

28.) Q. Do you believe in ghosts?
A.

29.) Q. Favourite thing to do in your spare time?
A.

30.) Q. Do you swear a lot?
A.

31.) Q. Biggest pet peeve?
A.

32.) Q. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.

33.) Q. Do you believe in/appreciate romance?
A.

34.) Q. If you could spend 12 hours with me and ask/do anything you like, what would it be?
A.

35) Q. Do you believe in God?
A.

36.) Q. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same?
A.

This is not another emo entry.  I just really, really needed to vent that time.  And I have found once you expel one thing, lots more tend to follow.  So I bared everything I felt at that moment.  It happens and to be fair I felt much better after doing so.  In lue of having someone to talk to, not sure I could have put that into words (well, face to face/voice etc) anyway my writings will do.  I have been over stuff, in my mind and I am better and more determined now anyway.

I have really become to realise I will get nowhere if all I do is complain and whine but never actually do.  My problem all over.  I may not have someone there to support and help me, but then I guess I'll have to make do.  So, OK there is nothing wrong with me that cannot be handled and sorted.  It just won't happen overnight, perhaps not even in a month but it will happen.  I just have to be willing to take those steps.  I will, alone if need be.  I can do it, and will.  I don't know how, but it will happen.

Up until now I have seen things that have happened to me as being negative, especially those since I have come to uni.  Perhaps I am looking at it wrong, and need to look more at the positive and focus on that instead.  It is said you learn more by losing, and whilst that might not be the exact same here, I do agree.  Actually, you learn more by doing fits I feel.  OK, I felt harsh and crappy.  But, who did this to me?  Myself.  OK, there was some outside help but ultimately I allowed myself to be put in such a situation.  I shouldn't have done.  And I won't any longer.

I know it will not be easy, but then nothing worth having is gotten the easy way.  And besides, surely that would make it less valuable.  I'll be OK.  Though, I expect I'll end up with the odd emo entry and such in the future.  But then, no one is forcing anyone to read this.


One thing I have been wondering, after a certain episode of Scrubs, is if anyone has life goals.  I don't mean things like "Get a good job" or "Become successful"  but more those things you might come across as "Things to do before I'm XX [or dead]" etc.  I have wondered recently on what I want to do and experience before I die and whilst that is a huge scope I was wondering if anyone who reads this rambling mess of mine would care to impart goals/aims/experiences.

So, what is your aims for life?  What experiences do you feel you must have before you die?  What has been your best of your life thus far?

=)

Kuffy

If you were to ask me how I felt right now, you'd get one of three answers:

• angry
• sad
• nauseous

I have chatted with a few people about the reasoning why (except the latter which could be due to alcohol and no food yet.  I am a light drinker... on the plus side the sambucca isn't in my system - that left about four this morning. =/ And just those five shots.)  so I will not go into detail as to my mood.  Well, if I trust you enough to chat to, I'm sure you'll get your ears filled by me. =/  Gods I'm a whiney little bitch.  I really, really am.  But that said, this blog is cathartic for me.  A release of things I cannot say, even though I do not really say much in detail.  Thus, I write them.  But that's not my problem.  I do have one, one that could potentially ruin a friendship I have tried to keep alive - even though at times it has seemed so much like a one sided battle, with the other side just giving up.  I have a hard time connecting with people, talking to them and that.  I think I'm socially and even emotionally retarded.  Which, at my age, is pathetic.  Really, really pathetic.

I dunno.  I whine a lot to lots of people.  I look only to myself, and by the gods I wish I could be happy for people rather than jealous, or helpful instead of useless, trusted instead of shunned.  I just cannot seem to be any of these things.  They're not me.  Not in my nature.  My nature seems to be hide under the rock and hope no one kicks it over, but in the same moment I crave attention and acceptance.  Is this human nature?  To be liked, wanted and loved.  I want all that, but I want my space, silence and darkness.  Its what I've known.  Its not a way to go through life, I know but I cannot help it, this is all I have known.  I'm nothing.  I'm not good looking, or intelligent, or a good friend.  I'm none of these.  I'm ugly, stupid and a horrible friend who wouldn't know common sense or advice if it was humping my leg.  I am really that bad.  I am left on the edges of the group, in the dark.  Yet, it is I who puts myself there and expect everyone else to do the work and drag me into the light.  Why?  Why am I this stupid, and moronic?  I will not lie, a number of times I have wondered why I am at uni.  There has even been times when I've just wanted to pack and go.  I don't think I'd be missed to be fair.  I wasn't last night... sat with some people, then I just got up and left.  Wasn't until about five mins later that they seemed to notice I was gone.  See?  None would care overly if I left.  I try at friendships, I do.  But I fail.  Badly.  I crash and burn so much its not even funny.  Worse thing is... I never learn.  I do not learn from my mistakes or faults, instead I will end up doing the same all over again.  Because its what I know. 

I know what I want.  Someone.  I do not mean as a partner but someone to be there for me through everything I do.  To point me in the right direction and to admonish me when I do bad.  Someone I can open my heart to and let them see everything and for them to help me.  I need a friend who I can rely on indiscriminately and for them to look to me for the same.  I do not have this, and never have.  Ever.  I don't get on with people that well, or they don't really care or I just tell them everything anyway.  I want acceptance, and to be someone.  I try too hard and say too much.  People understand me with ease, and generally I don't think they like what they see.  I know I don't.  Don't get me wrong, I'd never do anything like suicide like but sometimes... I've considered stupid things like that.  Uni has opened my eyes to myself.  I use to think I was strong willed, a good friend and got on with people.  I'm none of those.  And I can see my insecurities ever the more clearer from here.  It hurts.  And there is no quick fix or cure for yourself.  People will not like me until I can be at home in my own skin and just be me.  Who am I?  I have no idea.  I just don't.

Like I said, I'm a whiney little bitch.  I really need some cheer.  Scrubs has been doing that, I was great over the past week.  Damn good.  Last night... I thought I could handle.  Bollocks could I.  I hope Scrubs has my cheer, but I damn well need some right now.  Gods damn I'm a pussy. *headdesks*


*This whiney, fucker of a post was brought to you today by the letter C and the number 32*

Kuffy

So, I've been back since Saturday and muchos happier. =D  Excuse the depressive last post.  Since then I had done little, although I was forced to get the staff out to my room.  On Saturday, my door would not lock from the inside.  Got that fixed on Sunday, as I went shopping I told reception and when I returned it was fixed.  Yet, as went to leave again this time it refused to lock from the outside. =/  Back to reception and half an hour later it was all fixed.  Yay! =D

Monday saw Alan (the other flatmate back already) tidy our kitchen completely.  Its almost spotless.  Most impressive. =D  I also decided to do some more painting, got quite a lot done in fact.  Tuesday, I haven't done a lot.  I chosen a bad day to go for a walk really.  Pissing it down with rain, I got soaked.  Worse was that I stepped into a puddle and got one foot soaked totally.  Gah.  Then I have sat, watched anime, played about the internet and drank a bit.  Basilisk is a rather good anime in fact.  And I really like SoCo and lemonade.  I have had about half a almost all a bottle of SoCo. O_o  (granted it is watered down with lemonade) And, I'm not drunk, not a big bottle either but still.

I have seen various new years resolutions about, on here and elsewhere.  Personally, I do not think I have set myself any mainly because I fail at these things.  So I think there are general things I can achieve this year.  Of which I will not speak of, mainly because I am not entirely sure of everything I have planned.  I can think of many things I desire to improve upon and so forth, but these are general and not worth noting really.

So, yeah.  Not much to speak of really.  Lalala... move along now.  =p

Kuffy

So, 2007.  I’d like to say it was a rollercoaster ride, however it was more like a slow train journey that pulled into the station in a nice gentle manner.  No big bang, no great crash to see in the New Year, more of a whimper.  Such has been my life and year.

 I began it the same way I ended it. Things have changed and I have done things, but nothing that was amazing.  I started off in college; I did OK there and passed.  Then I moved onto university.  So far, I’m doing OK here too – academically anyway.  I love uni and miss it now, as I type this.  I have friends there, I think I do anyway.  But I’m doing well enough there. 

 As I said the year has been OK.  Some of my highlights have been:

 * LO meet.  I loved this weekend, perhaps my best this year.  It was so much fun to see people again, or to meet new ones.  And of course the chance to show off my newly finished creations was good.  I just wish that I had actually won more games!  Despite this, I had so much fun.  I cannot wait for the next one. I pray it will be bigger, badder and lots more fun.  I shall also win a game or two! 

 * Passing college and getting into university.  Might seem trivial but out of my family I am one of the few to ever actually do this.  I will make my parents proud and do something with myself.  College I admit I didn’t quite push myself and do as well as I’d like but I did well enough.  No, in uni I am going to do as well as I can.  I have targets which I will attain, as well as I can.

 * Having friends again.  Sounds stupid, I know but let’s say the last few years have been really hard with no one there to talk to, drink with, laugh with etc.  I find it hard making friends, I’m just glad I have some now.  I hope to have more and better ones and have a much better time of it. However, I have found just how hard having friends can be sometimes.  The trials, tribulations and the bitching.  Its hurtful sometimes.

 * Media; there have been some films out this year which I have loved, others I have hated.  Either way, they have all been something worth my time.  I love films, and sometimes even the crappy ones.  I have also expanded my musical horizons with new bands and new sounds.  All of which I seemed to have enjoyed.

 * Seeing old friends again.  Twice I have had a friend stay at mine, and they have been good nights.  I want this more.  Good nights, good friends and a whole lot of fun.  Corporation on a Saturday night is so much fun.  For the first time I have been able to dance (not well you understand) and not feel so out of place that everyone stares at me.  I love this night, it makes my week.  I love the people in there, the music and the whole experience.  Though, I dislike being a lightweight in such circumstances. 

 * I have gained some confidence this year, but it’s not enough.  I need more, but still, every little helps. Right? 

 I’m sure there are more things that I have done and enjoyed/loved etc but have missed out, these things have stuck in my mind really.  So overall, the year has been “meh” with the occasional “w00t” stuck in there.  I do so hope next year is an improvement and such what I hope and desire happens.

 

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05. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
06. Tell you my favourite user pic of yours.
07. In return, you must post this in your LJ or sing a carol


Kuffy

Well, I'm home.  I returned on Wednesday afternoon, after watching The Golden Compass.  I actually have the novel, but have never gotten around to reading it just yet.  After the film, I am so very tempted to push it to the front on my small list.  The film was OK, it appealed to me in many ways because of my immaturity and love for fantasy.  However, it was not that great.  The acting in places seemed stilted and I think the aim appeared to be "how many big named actors/actoresses can we squeeze into this film".  Or perhaps not.  Oh well, its not a terrible film but neither amazing.

I am, as I said, at home.  Its... umm... boring.  I miss Sheffield, and I aim to return on the 5th.  Home is nice, but I miss the freedom and friends I have in Sheffield compared to here.  I never did have many friends here and so I won't be going out that much.  I may just wander out in New Years Eve to avoid my usual plight of staying in on this day.  I really don't want to do that again. =/  Waaaayyy too many of them have plagued my life.  But I'm looking forward to tomorrow somewhat.

On the advice of some others, I am growing my hair.  Its not like it will be long any time soon, might not want it long but I thought I'd see just what I'd look like without my hair being short or quite short.  So far my fringe is about half way down my forehead, but if I get a mullet... it goes.  Sharpish.

Hm, well I can think of little else to write at the moment so I'll leave it at this.

Kuffy

This is taken from the Looking for Group webcomic;

"The big news in the world of Fantasy literature is that Mr. Brandon Sanderson, author of The Mistborn Series and Elantris, has been chosen to finish the late Robert Jordan’s masterwork, Wheel of Time Book 12: A Memory of Light.

In the interest of full disclosure, and because I like using important terms such as full disclosure, I will tell you that Brandon and I have struck up a casual e-mail friendship over the last few months. While I had no idea this was in the works, this didn’t stop me from offering my services to him yesterday, just in case he needed a few jokes written for Rand, Mat, and Perrin.

As The Wheel of Time is not that known for it’s off the wall comedy, I don’t have much hope that he’ll take me up on the offer.

I must also tell you, that I have not yet read any of Brandon’s novels. As of today however, they are going to the top of my reading list, and I’ll get to them immediately after I finish up Goodkind’s Phantom (Yes, I finally broke down and forced myself through it).

While I am insanely, ridiculously pleased to know that WoT will be finished and not left in eternal limbo, there is a large feeling of trepidation that another other than Jordan will be wielding that mighty pen.

I remain confident however, because of a few points:

• Harriet, Jordan’s wife, will be editing Sanderson’s work, as she did the last 11 books in the series. If there’s one thing I know about writing, is that behind every writer, there is the person who pushes, who rereads, who critiques; for Jordan, that person was Harriet.
• Harriet herself is the one who chose Sanderson, and I have a hard time believing that before Jordan’s death, he did not make a shortlist of who he wanted to finish his series.
• Sanderson will be working off of Jordan’s notes, which according to Harriet, are rather extensive.

With that, I will retain hope that in the fall of 2009, with the hard work of Sanderson, Harriet and Jordan, we will get the epic conclusion to the Wheel of Time we can’t wait to read."


I haven't read any of the Wheel of Time novels for a long time, and still haven't gotten around to reading the eleventh (or even buying it for that matter) but with the chance of the series concluding is good news in my mind.  I really enjoyed the first, five books but then it sort of got lost and I found myself putting in effort to read the others, rather than looking forward to it.  Still, a friend told me the eleventh was just like the first five - gripping - and that the twelfth was the projected end, its just as sad thing that the original author failed to finish it before his death.  I have seen good series turn sour because the new author just isn't good enough.

Talking of books and authors, its sad to hear about Pratchett but I'm sure he'll keep going until he cannot any longer.  He's not dead yet!  I haven't done nearly any reading for a long while.  I have a few books to read but just haven't even thought to read them.  I think I might dig into them over the Christmas break - with pretty much nothing to do, what else is there to do? =D  I want to read more, I will do!

I recently saw Beowulf, and whilst I didn't think it was a terrible film; it was neither amazingly mind-blowing like everyone is led to believe.  Being one of the first films to be done in such a method I can see it being improved on with following films, it was OK.  I have read the poem, thought I cannot fully follow it and not sure I understood it fully, thus my grasp of the story line was not as strong as I'd like it to have been.  Yet, I never recalled him getting naked to fight.  I know he went unarmoured and unarmed - to make it fair - but not naked.  Still, the use of 'props' was amusing in some way.  And the end result with the dragon I believe deserved a voice screaming out "FATALITY!" in the background (Mortal Kombat fans will understand that one, and at which point to I refer to).  In all, it was enjoyable.

I also got around to watching Transformers.  I never saw this in the cinema and so I brought it and was quite happy to have done so. =D  It was a fun film, some parts I wasn't too sure on, like the mini-con trying to be all... spy like, I thought was unnecessary and of course the love scene between the two main actors.  But to actually have the Transformers that were the most well known was cool.  Especially Optimus Prime. =D  I did truly enjoy this film.  I also got Princess Mononoke as well.  A very good anime film, and is apparently on the list of the top one hundred films to watch.  Another enjoyable film, with some nice work done on the animation and plot.  Recommend this to anyone.  Talking of anime... I've recently been watching a load again.  I just finished watching Tsubasa Chronicle which is a good series, and soon to be onto the third series I believe.  There are a few bits of the plot that make no sense or that are not explained in places, so hopefully there is a third series to clear these up.  And prior to this was Samurai7, which, as you might have guessed, is based off the film (maybe even mythological?) version of the same name.  Again, another enjoyable anime with some good action, plot and animation.

And so, uni has finished for me for 2007.  I have no more lectures until January now, so I will go home on Wednesday.  By final count for essays - something of which I am proud of, for my improvement and proof that I am capable of doing something like this is:

* Euro Civ; 2:1 (63%), 2:1 (67%), 2:1 (65%)
* Origins: 1st (70%), 1st (74%), 2:1 (67%)

As I said, I am proud to have achieved these grades as before I thought I'd struggle to scrap a 40% on these.  Just to find out how badly I have done on my arch in the field and then look forward to seeing how well I can do in the Spring semester.  I have one history module which looked interesting: "Heretics, Pagans and Christians in Medieval Europe".  Never done much with religion but I'd like to learn and have a more open mind rather than just pretending it doesn't exist (religion, not god - I'm still not sure of my stance there just yet). 

I have added two more webcomics to my repertoire:

Looking for Group  -  A webcomic based on WoW.  Even though I don't play it is understandable to most fantasy based gamers
Striptease - Starts off about a comic book artist, then spirals off into the mass complications of his love life.  Which are many.

I have a few more I read, of course but these are new and entertained me for a bit. =D


And so, this Saturday marked the final visit to Saturday night Corp of 2007 for myself and many others.  This is a shame, but it was done in style. =D  I had two friends come over and we went to see VNVNation who were a sort of electric goth band (I think that is about right) and while this isn't generally my taste, I liked them.  They were good and the lead singer was good at interacting with the crowd - offering to get the crowd to pay out for a room for a couple who just stood there with lips locked, for instance - and the music had a good beat.  It was just so packed no one could really dance other than move about a bit.  So no matter.  It was good.  Then we went to the club afterwards, and I did indeed dance again.  I haven't done so for a bit.  I had to say, I really enjoyed this week, compared to the last few times it was much better. This is good. =D  After escaping we returned to the flat where we ended up ordering pizza for five of us at about 3am. =D  The following morning we didn't get out of bed until about one then spent much time in a lovely pub chatting before I saw those two off to their respective trains and returned to the warmth of my room.  In all, a muchly enjoyable weekend and a good high to end the year here on. =D

I have a cold again.  It is annoying. =(

So I have some things to attend to here today and tomorrow (like washing and that) before I go home.  I won't even be gone that long, about two and a half weeks.  But that's OK.  I never planned to stay that long at home - I have revision to do and I admit I prefer to be up here in Sheffield.  I so do enjoy this city. I keep meaning to get pictures of it, but forget. =/  Oh, also ArcSoc had their Christmas pub crawl Monday.  It was... OK.  Not amazing but enjoyable and I have a load of pictures of people who attended.  Christmas Pub Crawl

Anyway, as it's 1:25pm and I'm still in bed I think I might wrap this up now.  I hope everyone has a good Christmas, as I doubt I'll see any of you before then.  Best of wishes and have a good time. =)

Kuffy

I have been told I am to update this thing.  So, Jenn, happy now? =p

I guess I haven't had that much to say as such, things are as they have been for some time now.  Lectures happen, essays are researched and written, drinks and food are consumed and laughs are had.  Guess that's uni life for you.  Though, I have to say, I don't think in my little group of friends that the laughs have been shared by all.  Not at all.  There is some things I am not too happy about, people are being all very arsey towards one another and there has been a dump truck of shit hitting twin turbine fans.  I won't go into details here, I learnt my lesson.  But I disagree with it and whilst I have been just as guilty as the next person I am trying to not back stab or be that two faced.  It is a bad habit.  I just wish people could get along better.  I suppose this is what happens when people get close and spend too much time together.  Shows how much I know about people.

I get along with pretty much everyone of my friends, hence why I use the term friend, but sometimes I sit back and watch everything that flies off around them and.. well to be fair it wants me to punch so many of them in the face.  Hard.  Whilst wearing a gauntlet.  Seriously, it can be that bad.  I am not a violent person and yes I can be roused easily if you know the buttons but I will hold it in, rather than let things lose.  Probably good as I'd perhaps have no friends then.  I cannot change them, and telling them to leave people alone will become misconstrued or it'll end up with myself joining in and bitching.  I dislike this, and I never thought I was this bad.  Oooo... I am. =/  I have however begun to walk away when people annoy me.  I will mutter to people and go to my room, if I want to talk to them I will speak to them.  Otherwise I will ignore them.  It works only really at the flat; or I just smile and nod/grunt.   I am trying to change things about myself, something I realise that uni is for - to change and work towards being that person you want to be.  I will get there in the end, I have three years.

I need to stop eating.  I am suddenly getting this compulsion to eat constantly.  I don't know why, I am fat enough as it is, without adding more to my already ample frame.  I need to cut down, I want to be able to see where my chin ends - and not when it meets my belly. =/  I don't exercise that much, I walk a fair bit but eat too much crap.  Though, I have begun to eat lots of fruit.  At least three pieces a day now, including bananas and oranges.  That I'm quite proud of; in a slightly odd way.  I do need to cut out the crap, I am not good looking at it is (OK, I'm not ugly, ugly - perhaps just ugly? - but I'm not desirable either) and this crap is not helping at all.  It might be comfort eating, I don't know.  I need to stop it.     Fat cunt. =/  I admit, I am harsh on myself because I need to be.  I need support I think, I have weak resolve.

But all that aside, we're now looking for a house to live in next year.  This caused problems, (again, I won't go into them out of respect for friends) but now things are moving along and I should be going to two house viewings this week.  I'm not overly bothered where I live, as long as the room is a decent size and its not miles away from the uni.  However, I do wonder how well I'll get on with everyone in the house when I look at who's moving in.  =/  Some people you need in small doses. 

More uni stuff, and out of the three essays I have had back I managed to attain a 2:1, 1st, 2:1!!  I am honestly surprised and happy with these grades.  It be nice to keep them up, all my grades have been over 60% thus far, though not confident about one I get back Thursday. =/  Will have to see how I do.  If you wondered it was: 63%, 70%, 66%  Lectures are OK, but we stopped having one of our better lecturers last week. =(  Though, I do quite like the new Classical Euro Civ lecturer; and we're extending into a period I like a bit (early medieval - 8/9th C; with mentions to the Vikings. =D )  I think things are going OK.

I have been going out still, Corp on a Saturday night, but the last few times I felt bored and couldn't bother with it.  We left at half twelve, which is really early.  But as I didn't go this week, hopefully next week it'll be better.  Instead I stayed in and watched a couple of films and chatted via Facebook and that.  It wasn't excited but I sometimes need the solitude and quietness.  I must be getting old.  I have however been watching QI a lot as well as more anime (Claymore and Sword X Gun to add to my 'seen' list) and that's always fun. 

I am hoping to go do some Christmas shopping soon.  But perhaps this Saturday I might go get some decorations for the flat/room.  I hope to gather friends and have a bunch of Christmas things to do; DVDs like.  I do however lack that many Christmas DVDs, I have perhaps three or four (Blackadder's Christmas Carol; Dead Poet Society*; Die Hard I & II)  and then there is finding stuff like Christmas episodes on shows to watch etc.  Will have to see what happens.


I think that's all I have to say, except these last few words.

Kate; Trowelling is in fact an adjective.  I have a new dictionary and yes, I am that sad to look it up.

Alexis - Hello.  Hope things are well. =)


Oh, and people who ignore messages/emails etc annoy me and are scum of Satan. =P

Kuffy

Sometimes, talking about something or someone - even bitching - can be good.  We all know this.  Good.  I realised I am not quite as strong minded/willed, or a good a friend as I thought - would have liked to been.  I'm not sure if this is due to my social ineptitude or what, but I am really not a good a friend as I might like to think of myself.  That is quite sad.  But, I guess the fact that I can see this is a product of university life.  The social interactions I encounter and avoid and such.  All this shows me who I am.  That is good right?  To be shown who you really are, your limits, limitations; your skills and strengths.  This is an aim of mine - and I'm sure of everyone in uni - and that is to "find myself".  I have never sought myself properly, I guess I should at least keep an eye out and try and slowly catch glimpses of myself until I can build the "true me" at a later date.  These things are never a quick progress.

Well, that aside, I don't think I have much to add.  Uni is rolling on, it is going quite well in fact - in most cases, a bit meh in others - lectures are OK.  But now for Classical European Civilizations we have this very boring lecturer who drones, and whilst she gives out the information required, we can never seem to get a good grasp on what she is saying.  Its not fun. =/  However, our Origins of Humanity one, Paul Pettit, is the best!!  He even has a facebook group dedicated to him.  That is how much he rocks! Monkey walks in class and the odd joke here and there.  The bloke is a legend. =D  The Archaeology in the Field can at times be boring and pointless - the assignments especially - but I guess there is reasoning behind the madness. 

I have had so much fun recently; one of the most obvious was Halloween.  There are pictures in the link below.  The theme we were given was "trans-gender", hence why the males, and myself are all dressed in well.. dresses.  To be honest, not many turned up.  It was a bit disappointing really but I had a laugh and there are many many pictures of me online (facebook) in my wig and such. =/  haha, it was a ball!  Bring on next year! 

http://s198.photobucket.com/albums/aa172/Kuffeh/Halloween



I also went to a bonfire night on Monday at the Sheffield Don Valley Bowl- or just outside it - it was a fun night.  I did feel little out of place because I didn't know all of them there that well and they seem to separate into their own little group most the time.  But, it was OK.  The fireworks were quite cool to watch. =D  I haven't been to a display for many years, this was a treat. hehe.  I even got myself a little "lightsabre" hehe. 

There has of course been more and fun nights at Corp.  Even got a friend to come with us, so now it seems most Saturdays there will be at least three of us from our "group".  Though, I am still left as the long with the shortest hair. =(  I might grow it a bit, or at least keep it longer.  Ooo! My beard is back.  I love my beard.  It makes me look less young in the face and well... hides the fat of my neck.  I probably won't grow it into a plait, but just keep it a nice length that it looks good, but not too much.  =D  Either way, all is cool.  I am also considering joining the RockSoc.  Main reason is to spread myself about.  I realise I barely know anyone and have been here for almost two months.  I need to increase my friendship circle - that and it may increase the chance of finding a woman who likes me (if that is even a remote possibility).  But may have to do that at some point.  Get me out more, and talking/hanging with people who have at least some similar tastes and likes in common. =)

I have once again begun to watch more anime.  Especially Bleach again.  I keep returning to that series, especially around ep40-60.  They're really good.  I have also seen some more recently, they were pretty cool.  Oh yes. And I am reading a few pages of a book each night now.  And... six more days until Bill Bailey!! =D

Anyway, bye for now!
 

Well, once again I am back.  I am also much calmer.  I admit, that last entry was a little hot headed and stupid of me; with an underlying attention to provoke.  Not good.  But never mind.  I will skip this, other than to say things are being worked out and time will be the biggest help here.

Anyway, I went home last weekend.  It was OK, didn't do much but was nice to be home.  That said, it felt really odd due to the fact that it felt like I hadn't been away for little more than a few days, rather than a month.  I don't know whether that is good or bad really.  But it was all right and such.  Things sorted itself out, even if they were a little bit tense.  I admit, that sometimes I feel excluded - not sure whether this is due to my age or, more likely, my behaviour.  Something to work on anyway.  There are times when I feel either really good or meh or rather shit.  I'd imagine this is normal for everyone, just I seem to fall into the latter two more so than the first.  I know I will get more positive when things settle and calm for myself.  Its really just me making a huge fucking national emergency out of nothing.  There are many things I want to and need to change, and I will change them as time goes on.  I guess I'm a little impatient and just want things done and over with.  That's not good.

I recently, this week, handed in the first two pieces of work for marking.  I am not that confident over either of them to be honest, but I will again learn to get better and improve my essay writing abilities along with other things.  Things have to improve right, if you work at them?  That's what I've been lacking.  I just don't seem to have the drive or determination to see things through, to commit and make the best of things.  I will though.  I need to stand on my own two feet and let everyone know who I am and that I can be myself - to stand out.  I need this, otherwise... well, you know the rest.

This will be a brief blog, I lack anything to chat about really.  However, I am going to my first fancy dress for a long, long, long time.  And well... yeah.  The Archsoc group decided that their Halloween pub crawl would be transgender.  Other words; men = women, women = men.  Famous people.  There are four (or three) lasses I know, going as the Beatles.  They look quite good - I saw two of them today; not quite Beatles but a bad effort.  I, however, am going as a lass.  Helena of Troy.  I even have a blonde wig and the outfit.  It fits, which is scary, but I realised I have nowhere to put my wallet; keys or phone. O_o    I will figure that out.  I am also taking a disposable camera - there might well be pictures of people about on Wednesday etc.    I warn you, I look exactly how it sounds.  A man in a dress.  It is not nice.

Incidentally I now have envelopes, and paper.  Just require stamps and address and I will/maybe if wanted sending letters.  Oh and I am annoyed with O2.  Basically, I got my last phone bill - £112!! I nearly cried.  I then discovered that you can upgrade to unlimited text/calls.  I checked yesterday and that is only available at the end of the contract (over a year away).  So, I'm screwed.  I can't not use my mobile and I can't keep up those sorts of bills. =(  Bastard. 

Kuffy